The fact that there is a papal vacancy wouldn’t normally interest me too much. However, I had a strange dream last night in which I was the Pope. I ended up hiding in an old suitcase for some reason but leaving aside this bizarre end to the dream it made me wonder whether I could be the pontiff after all.
I would enjoy the challenge of leading the millions of worldwide followers of my faith but would I also get to choose some fancy Italian chandeliers for my office? I hate to sound shallow but I was in Rome a few years ago and was very impressed by the furniture and light fittings for sale. I reckon that I could carry out my papal duties even better with great lighting so this isn’t as selfish as you might think.
On that trip to the Eternal City I wandered around St Peter’s Basilica and had my breath taken away. This must be one of the most incredible spaces on the planet. Everywhere you go you are surrounded by historic, priceless pieces of art which could tell you a few stories if they could speak. However I was thinking of cleaning out some of those dusty old pieces, whitewashing the place and covering it in mosaic art. What do you think?
It gets chilly in Rome, doesn’t it? I went there in December and packed my finest floral print short sleeved t shirts and Bermuda shorts. I nearly froze to death on the Spanish steps and got a nasty case of the shivers in the Piazza del Popolo. Anyway, my point is that the Vatican looks a bit draughty and I might need some electric fireplaces put in. I realise that I am a young child compared to some of the elderly gents who have carried out this role and I can’t imagine they have coped without some form of heating all these years. Is there a tiny heater they put under the papal hat?
Would I be the first ever Pope to have Hibiscus tattoos? Well, I might be once I get the tattoos done and then get elected Pope.
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