Getting the Right Gifts

I am really not that great at buying gifts for people. I always seem to come up with something inappropriate or just plain silly. For that reason I decided to plan ahead this year and get some birthday presents in early. Here are some of my ideas.

Headache racks. My mum is always getting migraines and I thought I had found the ideal solution here. I pictured some sort of medieval torture instrument which stretched or squeezed the person’s forehead until the pain disappeared. I then discovered that it is something you put on trucks, so maybe I will get her a box of paracetamol instead. Which reminds me of my favourite joke. Why are there no painkillers in the jungle? Because the paracetamol.

Electric heaters. This one is for me. I am from the cold land of Scotland and used to go out in the snow with a pair of shorts and a string vest on without shivering. Then I moved to South America and now need 5 layers of clothing if the temperature drops below 20. Go figure.

Trout farming. You probably don’t believe me but my uncle works in a trout farm on the shores of the famous Lake Titicaca. Everything I write here is completely true. Actually, he’s probably fed up looking at those blooming trouts all day, so maybe something different would suit him. Any salmon ideas on the site?

Maps of bodies of water. At the risk of sounding selfish, can I put another one on the list for me? When I said I moved to South America you probably thought of me sunning myself on a lovely beach and playing football with a coconut, didn’t you? That’s not quite the case. Look at a map of South America and then try to find the point furthest from the sea. That’s where I live. Even the local river gets dried up in winter time. I need to look at these maps to remind me what water is. Strangely, everywhere else I lived was an island (UK, Ireland, Mallorca) and I am so used to seeing the water that I get confused by mirages now.

Bed extenders. This one is for my daughter, as I am a caring, sharing kind of guy after all. She sleeps in a playpen type of  bed which looks a reasonable size to me but every night she rolls over so much that she ends up banging against the sides and getting annoyed. She either needs a bigger bed or to stop rolling about so much.