It’s Square to be Hip

Having been cursed my whole life with an almost unbearable coolness I decided that it was time to hang up the Ray bans and try to be a bit more square. Could I do this after a life of champagne and Hummers? Let’s look at some ideas for doing so.

Vinyl wall art is itself pretty cool I suppose, but I could go with the most uncool wall coverings I can find. What about pictures of mathematical equations and maybe a portrait of Einstein? There must be some sort of thriving black market for nerd art, mustn’t there be? Can you imagine scientists, programmers and other geeks all going to underground auctions and paying over the odds for paintings of aliens or old cartoons and whatever else they like ( since I don’t know what nerds like obviously ).

A full length mirror is just too cool for me now that I am turning square. I used to use it to check out my tailored suits and Armani jeans but now that I will be wearing grey, woollen long johns and plaid shirts I reckon I won’t be needing any sort of mirror any more. This is a good point to ask a question. What is the longest you have gone without looking at yourself in a mirror? I managed about a month when I was working in the rainforest and it was a weird experience being reacquainted with my face after so long. Especially when a bushy red beard has appeared since the last time you saw a mirror.

Are flourescent light covers hip or square? Depends what they are really and I’ll be darned if I have the faintest idea.

Now seat belts are an interesting subject, aren’t they? I may have mentioned before that I am the squarest driver in my home town and I am also the only use who uses a seat belt. As hard as that may be to believe I would challenge any reader to come here and find anyone other than me who belts up before setting off. This is probably a good point to mention that I was just making up all that stuff  about being hip. I have about as much chance of becoming hip as cheddar cheese. If I tell you that I am typing while listening to Bob Dylan and Frank Sinatra and eating a yoghurt this will give you an idea of my current level of squareness. Oh, and I’ve never owned a piece of Armani clothing or sat in a Hummer in my life.