I was just reading about the Hollywood style jewellry raid in the French Riviera and it got me to thinking about how I could make myself into a master cat criminal if I ever felt the need to do so.
Wear a Disguise
All good criminals need a good disguise. My accomplice and I (I am the brains and he is the brawn) will enter the premises wearing chefs uniforms. Hang on though, what kind of disguise is that for stealing giant diamonds from a museum? If we dress as chefs the best we could do is break into a restaurant and steal some tomatoes. Actually, I am running a bit low on tomatoes so that’s not a bad idea.
Hide Behind the Shrubs
Every good gentleman thief knows the value of hiding behind conveniently placed plants. The only thing you have to do is make sure you don’t rob Mr Miyagi’s house, as his bonsai trees don’t offer much cover for intruders. Plus, he would kick your butt if he caught you.
Paint Myself
You know that body painting craze that involves taking off all your clothes and then getting clothes painted on? What is that all about anyway? Wouldn’t it be easier keeping your clothes on in the first place? I was going to suggest getting the right paint colors to get a police uniform painted on but then I realised that this is a ridiculous idea. When did you ever see a policeman with his uniform painted on?
Wear a Hat
Could cowboy hats be the solution? If I wore one of those big ones JR Ewing used to put on then no CCTV camera on Earth cvould detect my face under the brim. It would also made me feel a bit like a wild west hero out to sort out the bad guys rather a vulgar thief.
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