Pigeons, eh? You gotta love them. Err, no, not really.
Ever since we got our roof fitted we have been plagued by an ever growing colony of pigeons. These birds – whose Latin name is wingedus ratus – are a real pain but I just realised that I never see any dead ones. In fact, I have never seen a dead pigeon anywhere at any time in my life. Is this weird or does no one ever see their cadavers? I don’t want to mess with my mind too much so let’s just look at some ways to kill the blighters.
Would bees drive them off? I could ask some local bee keepers to let their swarms loose on them. The only problem is that I would probably be more scared of the bees than the pigeons would be. I have hated them ever since my mate got stung in the Trossachs and his face swelled up like a giant swollen thing.
I could electric lawn movers to attack them as they land in the garden. No ,this wouldn’t really work, would it? They are just too fast for me and have the added advantage of being able to fly. Now, if I could mow my lawn while wearing some sort of jet pack on my pack it might just work…
Luring the beasts into an outdoor fire pit would let me dispose of them and enjoy a nice barbecue at the same time. There are only two problems here; I don’t know how to lure them anywhere and I don’t like the taste of roasted feathers. Maybe I could roast a pig, invite them down from the roof and make friends with them instead.
If all else fails I’ll just keep throwing things at them on a random basis. Maybe if I get some skate sharpening done I could hurl icy footwear at them. If only they weren’t so fast and so devious I might even hit one of them at some point.
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